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Sudan, I love you... but you're taking a toll on me [5]

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I often ask myself; what is the ideal number of years to live in Sudan and love it and hate it quite equally; perhaps loving it just a little bit more? Five years? Seven? Would anything more than that be tipping the scales?


I stayed for nine years and I managed to keep my sanity intact, is what I tell myself all the time. And I was actually living in Sudan during the good old days. I remember in 2003, $1 was valued at around 2.5 pounds and I believe I was rich because my dad used to send me $100 every month as a college student. I was living the life, lunching at Debonairs (Ozone wasn’t open yet mmm-kay) and chilling at Afra Mall back when it was brand new and the air conditioning was functional for all five days after the mall opening.

Now, every time I go back home to visit my family (which is quite often) I am stunned at how some things haven't changed. Frustration increased and commodity prices soared, I should say. I will never forgive my best friend Asmara for recommending an air-conditioned taxi from my house to Ozone (because that’s where the cool people go and I wanted to be cool so ergo). I called that taxi confidently and ended up paying around 100 pounds for that ride. The kick I got out of being in an air-conditioned vehicle during a heated Khartoum afternoon was immediately gone the instant I peeked at the meter.


Anyway, being away from home or not, some things seem to never change.


Disclaimer: Go away if you're not in the mood for a taste of cynicism.

1. Shockingly, Bashir is still in power.


Conspiracy theorists claim the illuminati will reveal themselves and their New World Order agenda in our generation. So we might be alive if and when that happens. 

Bashir will probably still be in power then, wiping his ass with 50 pound bills and strutting around with his mula7 infested belly. 

But I am not worried about the illuminati taking over the world because they need to take down Bashir first... and good luck with that because trust me we tried ok. 

2. There is serious dedication from officials toward the power cut movement.

Please don't misunderstand. We have a government that is all about consistency and loyalty. What would we think of our officials if there were no constant, consistent power cuts to keep us in line? How dare we even think it?

This is a classic though. I don't know how to live in a Sudan that doesn't provide this power cutting service. If that happens and god forbid power is restored then there go all my memories from childhood through college.






3. The wedding craze is still much alive.

The world may change and things may move at a faster pace, but it only proves even more that the obsession with marriage (particularly planning the marriage) in our society is rampant. I have a dozen Facebook groups that corroborate this theory. From just observing the comments I accidentally learned a lot about wedding planning and maternity accessories.

Read this hilarious blog post by my friend and brilliant blogger Reem. Warning: lots of Sudanese jargon.


4. People still to come to funerals to eat.

Because free food and personal servants who, though grieving, will not quit until every drop of mint tea is served. Yes mint tea; people are grieving but they will not miss on a detail such as flavor. Otherwise what will the guests say? Also they say, food prepared by a grieving woman tastes better than any food you've ever eaten in your life.

I think grieving families should do some marketing around the incredible work they do during these trying times. 

Try a banner that reads: "Free food; three meals a day! Round-the-clock tea and coffee! Little kids who will grab you a glass of water on request! The older ones will grab ice from the kiosk and groceries from the dukkan! Men will gather to talk about politics, sports and weather! Women will gather to talk about each other! FUN all around! Come on by!"

5. Sudan's number one issue remains that not enough women are covering their hair

Starting from your third cousin to the most random passerby on the street, the matter of your head scarf or lack thereof is everybody's business. With that being said,  if you're a woman everybody is entitled to ask you where your head scarf is, or why it's resting so comfortably over your shoulders instead of doing what it's supposed to do: which is cover your exposed hair.


President Bashir even highlighted this serious matter in one of his world renowned speeches a couple of years ago. 
I can't quote him verbatim because I was busy serving popcorn to my guests while the show I mean speech was on. But he did address this topic as a serious national security concern that keeps him up most nights. 
And people say our president doesn't have work!


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